Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I look better un-naked...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
