I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
