theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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