What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
