My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize