So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
