You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize