I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
