I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
