You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
