Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize