just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize