shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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