im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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