I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
