i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
