dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
