You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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