i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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