My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
