Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
