Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

Fat chicks shouldn't bartend

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(970): View more from Colorado

last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!

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(301): View more from Maryland

please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk

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(540): View more from Virginia

I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

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(937): View more from Ohio

That's science, my friend. Boner science.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.

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