but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
