she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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