i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
