Your tits are I can't wait for
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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