is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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