It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize