come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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