for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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