remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just cropdusted the office
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
