census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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