well I can't set my house on fire every night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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