I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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