T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
