I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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