weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
