didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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