Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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