i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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