My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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