Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
