hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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