dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
