i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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