Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
