Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
