Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
