he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
