is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
