i think my tv is drunk
I think I won the penis lottery.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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