Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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