That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize