just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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