I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
