Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
