She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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