He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
