i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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