I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
