so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
