I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
