I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
