I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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