The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize