I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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