dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
