Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
