It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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