If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we're making bets on your personal life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
