last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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