i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
