Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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