arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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