just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
