i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
