The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
