ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
