you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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