Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
