I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I could fuck to npr.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
