Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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