i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
