i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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