I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
