my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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