You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
