people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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