Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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