Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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