Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
