I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't turn off my feet"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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