Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
