I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
