He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
