Banned from zoo.
Again?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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