we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
