I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
