So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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