And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
