Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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