We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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