my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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