If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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