currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
