i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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