Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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