Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
