Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
