I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
