btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
