Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
