Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
