i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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