I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
