He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
