i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i came on her dog
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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