I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
