your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
