She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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