Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
